Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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