I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
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I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
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You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
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