My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
