They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
