Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
