please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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