guys are not supposed to queef...right?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
