while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
NoShamevember. You game?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
