Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
