i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
