i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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