Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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