Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
