I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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