Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
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Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
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I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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