Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
That reminds me...we need to get swords
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
