And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
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