matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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