yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
