Someone shit on the floor
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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