I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
it's great music for shaving your balls
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
