And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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