Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
