exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
