Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
