i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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