You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
