I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
birth control should be required to get into college
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
