look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
