I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
