He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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