Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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