Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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