please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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