You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
