Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
