Porn is love you can see.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
