Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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