Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
