So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
