i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
