I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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