you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Randomize
