we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
