my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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