last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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