dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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