I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize