um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
you didnt know i had herpes?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
