I'm gonna have a badass scar
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
