Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
