Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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