What did we do last night that was yellow?
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
