Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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