i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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