So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
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The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
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It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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