just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
