There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
