I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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