just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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