i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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