Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
