I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
