Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
