Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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