i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
