Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
