every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
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I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
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I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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