Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
