im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
and i looked up. we had an audience...
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
