Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
And then my night got REAL pukey
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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