i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
