I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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